Dollars and sense.

Financial matters are often a source of Christmas stress. And, no wonder. We Americans have mastered the arts of Christmas spending. The statisticians at Gallup have predicted that American consumers will spend an average of $852 in Christmas season 2020, slightly more than the previous year. After mondo bizarro 2020 the researchers anticipated declines in Christmas gift buying, decorating, and our other seasonal frills. But, there was a rally in November and the rate of spending growth will most likely exceed the annual increase of seasons past. Gallup's latest data was released on November 25, 2020, in a report written by Lydia Saad. If you'd like to reference it, please click here.

Another report indicated that Americans spent in excess of a trillion dollars Christmas 2019. Yes, that is $1,000,000,000,000+, twelve zeros. More than 53% of Americans had a Christmas budget but most spent above it. What is more, more than 21% of American shoppers went into debt fulfilling their shopping dreams. And, there are numbers and more numbers that characterize our love for the season and the many compulsions that encourage us to give. And, that may be the reason for the financial tension that are such a part of these Christmas blues. You know it's true. Keeping up with the Joneses is a real pressure of the season. So is our desire to be seen as generous, perhaps lavish givers. And, don't forget the guilt when we can't be, or the stress of buying just the right gift. Or, perhaps, the shame at having to be less generous, or not being able to purchase that expensive item for a loved one.

How does Scripture guide us through pressures like these---

1. Please God with your finances and not other people.

Yes, peer pressure is a lifetime tension. It's a stress at Christmas as well, when we feel compelled to keep up with family and friends in our Christmas giving. Remember The Apostle Paul's instruction---"For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ" (Galatians 1: 10, ESV). Or, the words of Christ, "For they loved the glory that comes from man more than the glory that comes from God" (John 12: 43, ESV). We should not let the world system dictate our dollars and sense.

2. Develop priorities about your spending, even at Christmas.

From the beginning of time there have priority clashes. What is right in God's eyes and what is acceptable in the world system. The Apostle Paul reminded the Romans, Christians living in a oppressive world---"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect" (Romans 12:2, ESV). There is also Solomon's promise---"Whoever pursues righteousness and kindness will find life, righteousness, and honor" (Proverbs 21: 21, ESV).

3. Provide for the necessities of your family as a first priority.

Christmas giving is a blessing. Being generous honors God. But, providing for the needs of our family and loved ones is of primary importance. The Apostle Paul wrote, "But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever" (1 Timothy 5: 8, ESV). Yes, we should be generous and bold. But, care for our families basic needs is of great importance.

4. Be generous in helping others as a Christmas objective.

Many families adopt those less fortunate or organizations who assist others as a family Christmas giving project. The Spirit led the author of the Epistle to the Hebrews to write, "Do not neglect to do good and to share what you have, for such sacrifices are pleasing to God" (Hebrews 13: 16, ESV). Helping other is blessed Christmas giving.

5. Pray for guidance, and remember the reason for the season.

Yes, it's the season. In the joy, hope, and peace that is ours we should seek his wisdom and guidance. Join King David in praying, "Keep steady my steps according to your promise, and let no iniquity get dominion over me" (Psalm 119:133, ESV). And yes, please, let's remain focused on the real meaning of the season, that is, glorifying Christ---"To this end we always pray for you, that our God may make you worthy of his calling and may fulfill every resolve for good and every work of faith by his power, so that the name of our Lord Jesus may be glorified in you, and you in him, according to the grace of our God and the Lord Jesus Christ" (2 Thessalonians 1: 11-12, ESV).

Hey. Merry Christmas. And, don't forget dollars and sense. That is, biblical sense.

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Only the Lonely

'Tis the hap, hap, happiest time of the year, so the seasonal song lyric announces. But, millions of family members, friends, neighbors, and people in the next pew endure waves of depression and personal stress during the holiday season. Carolers, lights, brilliant colors, presents under the tree, and other holiday scenery are a thin veneer over the heartache and melancholy deep in the soul. And, of course, this seasonal slump isn't about the spiritual backdrop of our annual Christmas celebration. The birth of Christ is eternal Good News and the downer of the holidays is rarely attributed to religious beliefs. More, the holiday blues are about abiding grief, financial pressures, broken dreams, relational dysfunction, health issues, exhaustion, and pages of human bullet points. Oh, yes, and loneliness. The Christmas season is a hard time to be alone.

And, many of us live alone. According to the U.S. Census Bureau 35.7 million Americans live in single occupant residences, 28% of all households. The data fine-tuning identifies citizens over age 60 as the central population of being home alone. Under the senior adult years every age group reports steady numbers of people without partners in living arrangements. And, Christmas is essentially family time, or at the least, group time. Being alone through the holidays is the seed-bed of loneliness, a depressive state that fuels emotional strain, spiritual questioning, and physical impairment. Truly, living alone doesn't automatically trigger the emotional discord of loneliness. Who of us doesn't desire an occasional or temporary escape from the other people? We enter the sad distraction of loneliness when we perceive the need for social interaction or connection and there is none. Individuals surrounded by people can be lonely because the social connection goes lacking.

Our Christian worldview counsels loneliness in several directions---

1. Theologically, Christians are never alone.

Our faith affirms God's promised Presence. Jesus said, "And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age" (Matthew 28: 20, ESV). The truth that God will never leave us or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:8, Hebrews 13:5, ESV) insures his presence in every life circumstance.

2. Scripture advises our involvement with other believers.

Encouraging one another is one of the fifty two Bible verses with counsel for our interaction with other believers. One of my favorite Scriptures in this regard is Hebrews 10: 23-25 (ESV): "Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near". Meeting together in the fellowship of faith gives us contact with other humans who usually understand the the various hardships of life.

3. Scripture commands our care for the lonely.

As mentioned so often, there are many Scriptures with direction for our interaction with "one another", other believers of faith. There are also biblical ideals about our treatment with people outside the family of faith. We should be aware of the lonely people in our circle of influence and bring these Scriptural ideals to them. You know, greeting one another, bearing with one another, showing kindness and gentleness to everyone, seeking the good of everyone, and displaying the mind of Christ to all people, especially those experiencing special circumstances. A little sensitivity during the holidays may be the blessing of fellowship to a lonely person.

It was a love song from years past, Only the Lonely, covered by Roy Orbison. But, it said something more than the loss of a love. One stanza was, "Only the lonely, Know the way I feel tonight, Only the lonely, Know this feeling ain't right". My point, Only the Lonely know the desperation of emotional solitude. You and I should reach out to them with words of grace and concern.

Only the lonely.

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Through, not over.

Life took a drastic turn for our family in 2011. On July 18, 2011, our son Brian was killed by a murderer's bullet in the Eastside of downtown Charleston. His sudden, violent death assaulted our emotions and dragged us into the perplexing depths of grief. A multitude of family, friends, church members, and colleagues surrounded us with support and encouragement. We were challenged to seek a new normal in our family life, and promised the emotional and spiritual strength to get over many aspects of personal sorrow. The Christmas season that year, even with the loving care of our daughter Elizabeth Carpenter, son-in-law Scott, and the seasonal joys of our grands, was somewhat grim. His death was the proverbial elephant in the room throughout. Every Christmas since then has been a rich blessing. Still, the grief as been our constant companion. And, we have learned that we will never get over our son's death.

It's one of the myths about grieving, that we humans can somehow muster the inner strength to get over heartbreaking loss. Just getting over any and everything is a really a fallacy of our good old American work ethic. Underneath the stark horrors of life is our determination to conquer obstacles and move past painful and horrific moments. In the following years we learned that getting over our darkest hours isn't the real goal of survival anyway. It became more clear to us one day in Wally World. Strolling the aisles I noticed a book with a compelling title: Getting Past What You'll Never Get Over By John E. Westfall ( Revell, 2012). That day I learned that our grief would involve getting through the ordeal rather than getting over it. Through, not over, became our life pursuit.

Grief is one of those life realities that hovers over many people during the Christmas season. The memory of loved ones, Christmases past, and the absence of them in such a festive season renews the sadness and depression of loss. While everything around us is merry and bright, the weight of death is is heavy. Learning the metrics of getting through such emotional stress became our constant learning point. And, many people around us struggle with those precious elements during the Christmas season, a time that surrounds us with holiday gaiety. Several thoughts converge in this personal goal of getting through. Primary for me has been to cling to the promises of God.

Early on God gave me a promise that continues to guide my life every day, but more so during the Christmas season. Simon Peter wrote, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time" (1 Peter 5: 6, NIV). This promise has given me firm direction in getting through the loss of our son. The promise for me is that God will lift me past this horrible event in his time. I've learned that personal grief doesn't have a time table or even a dependable process. Thousands have written about grief but my lesson has been that every experience of loss is unique, personal, and therefore different. This promise assures me that there is a time in God's order that will be foundational in my getting through it. This promise gives me daily comfort.

And, of course, the Bible is a book of God's rich promises. Over these years I have read dozens of book and articles about the grieving process. Noting however, has been more central to our getting through this loss than knowing God's promises to be with us, guide us in life's realities, and experience his goodness in every circumstance. I am reminded that "He who calls you is faithful; he will surely do it" (1 Thessalonians 5: 24, ESV). My first counsel to those whose Christmas season is clouded by personal loss of any kind is to discover the certainty of God's promises and cling to them. If you know someone living in the haze of grief this Christmas, offer them a Bible promise to help them get through the season.

Remember, it's through and not over.

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